I went to the bachelor party with the groomsmen because I was essentially one of the guys. And no, there was no drunken carousing with strippers that I was expected to keep "secret. In this case, the female friend of the bride and groom may just feel like she, too, is just one of the guys.
If that's the case, chicken nuglet, I strongly advise you not let it bother you, and be cool with her attending both parties. This is assuming that your fiance actually invited her to his party as well -- and not that she's just "decided" on her own that she wants to go to both. Friendly attachments between men and women don't have to stop and I would even argue that they shouldn't stop just because one of the parties is getting married to someone else. What Dean King said.
A bachelor party is for the groom, the groomsmen and selected male friends. Old-school-haters pile on, but this is a perfect recipe for trouble. Especially if she's a drinker. It was really weird: we'd all hung out drinking and playing poker for years in college without me fucking a single one of them, but suddenly with the magic words "bachelor party" in the air, I just couldn't help myself! Wow - am I terribly liberal or what?
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I'm shocked that so many of you think a bachelor party is for dudes ONLY. Most of my friends are guys, what can I say? This is weird. Yours is one case that went well where a million others do not. Tristeza, I agree.
I would say, however, that in this case it does have the advantage of making it easier to brush off the over-eager maid, since the guy organizing the party can just say, "Sorry, guys only, but we're looking forward to hanging out with you at the wedding. The bachelor and bachelorette party should be whatever the couple whose parties they are want, provided that the details of each are acceptable to both. If you're uncomfortable with your bridesmaid being the only woman at your fiance's bachelor party, the one you should be talking to about this is, hmm, I dunno, your future husband , maybe?
You know, the one whose party it is. Don't start off insisting that she not go to the party. Start by saying that the idea makes you uncomfortable, and explain why. Talk about it.
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You're about to be married to the guy, and a marriage is supposed to be a partnership. Find out how he feels about it, and try to come to a joint decision.
This is really the groom's decision. Either he's comfortable with a girl going or he isn't. If he wants it to be men-only to appease you, then fine, but it's still his call. There are WAY too many assumptions in this thread about what a bachelor party is supposed to entail. It's just my opinion, old-school as it is, scody.
Don't get so bent out of shape. I have to agree with scody and tristeza that, as I said above, there's no reason these events are single-sex only. I think the real issue is whether the bridesmaid was officially invited to both. If not, she's pushy and should be gently corrected but no need to call her whore, for god's sake!
If she was, than the bride has some other issues to resolve with her husband-to-be if she truly does not feel comfortable with the situation. Scody is right if the scenario is the same: If the bridesmaid was invited to the party, and if she knows many of the attendees. It would likely just make too many of the other attendees available. You have enough stress right now as it is. I think the only real solution here is to find out. Your fiance isn't the type to do stupid things at a party, is he?
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If so, I would've imagined you being glad that your female friend was there-- that might prevent it. So I guess you may be jealous, or think that she might be embarrassing? You probably ought to talk it over with your fiance and think hard about how you feel. It might be very important-- bachelor parties are sometimes landmines-- or it might be nothing. Yeah, it's surprising how many traditionalists there are on the issue. The question was presented in a metafilterian way, though, since the poster said she wasn't sure why it upset her, and she wasn't sure if she was overreacting, and that it wasn't specifically that the bridesmaid was attending the party but that she'd leave the bachelorette party early, and would be the only woman at the other event.
To me, it is all quite dependent on all sorts of details. Was she invited by your fiance? If so, have you spoken to him about this? How close a friend of your fiance's is she? You say "although probably closer" to you, not definitively your friend and only his by association, so it seems at least possible that she honestly just wants to celebrate his bachelor night Do you trust her personally? Obviously she's your friend, but is she a kind of 'life of the party' friend more than a soulmate kinda friend?
I've been to bachelor parties before as 'one of the guys', but I don't think I've ever been "the only woman" there, so that could be something that will change the dynamic. Seems like something that should definitely be discussed with the groom, though. Actually, I'd have to fall into the "men only" camp when it comes to bachelor parties, even though I've never been to one. The whole point is to celebrate your last night of unbridled obnoxious maleness, which would have to involve drunkeness and strippers and possibly light artillery fire. I'm not even sure why a woman would want to be there.
So, no estrogen stinkin' up the place.
I'll throw my voice in with the pro-coed-party group here. I male have been to several bachelor parties in the past few years, some men-only and some co-ed. I liked the co-ed ones a lot better. But , a major difference between these and cn's case, is that in the co-ed parties I went to, the women present were friends and in one case, the sister! I agree it would be weird if someone who was a friend of the bride or, as you say, friends of both but closer to the bride went to the bachelor party. We both had coed parties.
We wanted them that way. I would have felt wierd if my guy had had a party with all men and a single woman, but more in a "is that girl dumb? If you're having the second kind of thoughts about someone who is your friend, too, then trust alarms are going off in my mind. But that doesn't seem to be the case here. Maybe she's after one of the other groomsmen? You obviously don't know the right women. I think we need pictures of the bridesmaid, just to be sure.
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It seems to me that the bridesmaids are expected to be part of the bride's "entourage" as someone said above for the bachelorette party -- so what would bother me is that she intends to ditch the bride to go off to the other party. She sort of has a responsibility to party with the bride that night, doesn't she? It doesn't matter that the bachelor party might sound like fun to her, she should stay with the bride. Of course, what do I know -- my bachelorette party never happened because my Maid of Honor got the flu I appreciate everyone advice as it has been quite insightful.